SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
