Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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