Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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