the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
