My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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