My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
false alarm, still single
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
