you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
