Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
