That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
