I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
