For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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