so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
