How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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