dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
