I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
