I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
we're so committed to being not committed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
