Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
