I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
