1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
