yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
