I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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