i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
