Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
