Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize