I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize