so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
