five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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