who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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