i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
