I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
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