i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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