never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
