You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
