So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
