Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
