Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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