just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
