So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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