she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
