Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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