Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
sarcasm needs its own font
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
