I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
