Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I will pee on everything he values.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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