I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
