did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
