I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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