wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
