Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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