So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
