So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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