Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have post one night stand depression
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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