I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
