Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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