So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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