Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
