You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I think I just sharted jello shots
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
