Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
