my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
