Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
