I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
