you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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