You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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