she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
