he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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