Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
