i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
