I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I am available for nakedness
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
