can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
