yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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