Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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