if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
